Posts (page 2)

Here's another thing that experienced parents almost never tell future ones -

At some point you will have another human beings poop under your fingernails.

Oh sure, you can take all the precautions you want, but at some moment in time you will get human excrement not only on your hands, but onto surfaces and body parts that you may have previously thought to be body-waste free.
Its true. There's nothing you can humanly do to stop it. You just accept the fact and buy lots and lots of soap. And plan your meals opposite to when you are fairly certain the child will drop another load.

There. I told ya. And unless you're doing something way different and way better than I am, I told ya so.

I was looking through my Sent folder in Thunderbird, and noticed that about 70% of the emails that I send to my wife at her workplace is about the ... ummm ... contents of our sons diapers.

I really hope nobody at her Big Insurance Company reads those emails, because they would probably think we have some kind of freaky poop fetish.

A little while ago I had bit of a tickle in my nose. Since I'm at home alone with a child thats vegged out in front of the Blues and her Clues, I decided to pick at the offending tickle in my shnoze.
It was a small chunk of blue crayon.

Don't ask.

A few of my extended family members like to by my son toys. Lots of toys. Toys that make noise.
Battery powered bobbles of fascination that the boy plays with for hours on end.

I'm not sure if they understand this, but there is a person other than the boy that has to listen to the noises all the time. Me.
I've gotten pretty good at tuning the sounds out, but when I go to lay my weary head down at the end of a long day, those freakin toy noises are the only thing I can think of. I fall asleep to battery operated madness.

My wife suggested that I just take the batteries out, but the problem with that is the boy is smart enough to know that the toys are no longer making that noise they used to make, and hearing annoying toy noises is a much better alternative to listening to a kid whine all day because Thomas no longer makes his chugging music.

There's thunderstorms going on this morning, and there's lots of thunder. Chase hears one really loud boom and stops to look outside. I tell him that yes, thats thunder. He looks up at me, then points outside and says in very dramatic toddler voice, "Dundaaa!".

This morning while Chase was watching TV, I sat at the dining table in the living room where our laptop lives. The boy came over when he got bored with tv, and wanted to sit on my lap. So I hiked him up and continued to surf for a while.
He kept pointing up, so I let him sit on the table right next to the laptop. He looked at it, pointed at it, looked away, then looked and pointed again. Then his tongue started poking in and out of his mouth (that means he's thinking about doing something) as he would glance at the computer and the mouse. Then he finally worked up the nerve to reach over and move the mouse a bit (its one of those that lights up upon movement).

From the grin he gave me, you would've thought that he had hit the button to the tree in Rockefeller Plaza.

If someone were to ask me what I'm most thankful for this holiday season, I have a very simple answer -

My son has no interest in watching Barney.

The show comes on right after Sesame Street, but once that annoying purple dino comes on the tv, Chase just kind of does a toddler type shrug and moves on to more interesting things. Like ripping up daddys seed catalogs.

Since we're going out of town for the holiday, we've been packing bags and getting things in order for the past couple of days.  This means many bags are packed and moved and re-packed and moved again and all that.

While Chase watched this whole process, I decided to give him an old soft-sided briefcase so that he could pack his own stuff today. I recommended some crayons and paper and maybe a few toys and books.

I should've given the boy a smaller bag.

Farmer finds baby alongside rural road

I just don't get why someone would carry a baby full-term, deliver it, then dump it on the side of the road (its Minnesota! In Novemeber!!).

Sure, I get that a new parent may freak out a bit/a lot once the baby is born (I sure as hell did), but to just dump a newborn out into the wild is horrible. I hope the people that did it get some help, and a good chunk of jail time. And their rights to procreate parts undone.